She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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