she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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