do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
