i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
