when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
