Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
