I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
