Who wears a wallet chain?!
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
