My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
