Have you finally orgasmed yet?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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