my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
