we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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