"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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