who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
