Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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