My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
