I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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