exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
