I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
