I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
