I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize