I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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