No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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