i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He did a backflip because drugs
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