so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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