I'm drive I can fine osifer
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
