i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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