we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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