I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
