I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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