i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
