I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
