I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
