i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
