Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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