I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
