i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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