having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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