I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
