you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i will never coherently bang her
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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