i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
