There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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