I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
My pussy is not your playground.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
