You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
