Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
