Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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