What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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