wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
