I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
