We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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