shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
