Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
