She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
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