my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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