dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
