just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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