You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
