4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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