You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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