Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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