It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
