you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
