when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
