real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
