Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize