I need help removing her.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
