very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
