But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize